Divorce

 Mark 10:2-16

October 6, 2024

 

I ran out of time, but there were

Two things that I couldn’t gracefully fit into the sermon

but I think are important to say:

Jesus was not married.

The number one cause of divorce?  Marriage.

 

Jesus is really annoying everyone lately.

Welcome the rejected, cut off your limbs,

and now the divorce thing.

He’s not winning any popularity contests.

 

It’s not easy to preach about divorce because

it’s complicated. There’s a lot of real life

that goes into divorce, so it’s not one easy

message. Even though Jesus is pretty direct here

I think we have to remember

who he’s talking to and why.

 

I think I can say that everyone in here falls

into one of two categories:

either you’ve been divorced yourself

or someone you love has been divorced.

 

And these scriptures have been used to

shame and blame people for a long time.

The church has used these statements

and a very small number of others

as weapons against people,

as a means of exclusion from the church.

People who have not been divorced have

used these verses as an excuse to act smug and self-righteous.

 

Richard Swanson, a theologian at Luther seminary said

“we often avoid our own sexual issues by throwing the spotlight

on another we feel worthy of attack.”

I think that has been true of divorce.

 

And worst of all, maybe,

these verses have been used to keep people in miserable,

dangerous, and deadly situation.

Especially keeping women in abusive relationships

and to keep children in unhealthy homes.

 

Preachers, pastors, and leaders have indicated that

God would rather have us remain in a marriage

that is sad,  painful, and life threatening than to be divorced.

God would rather have you be miserable

and dead in some cases and married than happy.

 

Some pastors are still doing that this morning,

saying or insinuating those words, I’m sure.

Less than 50 years ago, we might have been

talking about whether we can welcome  divorced

people into our churches, or whether we can do second marriages

or whether we can invite them up to communion

whether divorced people could be pastors.

We’ve come a long way from that and I’m happy we have.

 

Other pastors are just avoiding it all together

because it’s complicated and we know that divorce is

happening to good people and then we sound all

mealy mouthed and avoid what Jesus said

and I don’t think that has been helpful either.

  

I will say directly that I don’t think that divorce is the

worst thing that can happen in a marriage.

For some, it’s the best thing that can happen to a relationship.

For some it’s the most loving option for both people.

And Jesus says some serious things about

marriage and divorce and we need to honor that.

 

So the Pharisees come to Jesus and they’re trying to

trap him into saying something that will get him in trouble

with either the law or his own followers.

 

So they ask him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

They know the answer to that is, “yes” it is lawful.

Over time there were provisions made so that men

could divorce their wives.

Men could divorce their wives.

And women could actually divorce their husbands.

 

Now even though the law said it was allowed,

divorce was pretty rare among Jewish people in the first century.

 

But it was fairly common among Romans.

Especially upper-class Romans

 

Now it’s important to note that

the only other thing in the gospel of Mark

that relates to divorce is in chapter 6.

The story of Herod and Herodious.

Herod was the Jewish king and he divorced his first wife,

and married Herodious who was his brothers wife

who divorced him to marry Herod.

John the Baptist was complaining about this arrangement,

and that eventually led to Herod beheading him.

 

This question posed by the Pharisees

might have been a  gotcha question,

like the question they posed about whether

people should give taxes to Ceasar.

They wanted to see if Jesus would

have an answer that would make Herod mad.

And yes, the answer would probably have made

Herod mad and any other number of Roman

officials for who divorce was pretty common.

 

It’s also important to note that

in the first century, for Jews and for Gentiles alike,

marriage wasn’t quite what we think of today.

Marriage was not understood as primarily a romantic relationship

or a companionship relationship,

It was not even just a commitment between two people

it was a commitment between a woman and a man’s family.

 

There was not a primary importance placed

on the emotional bond between two people,

although it might have happened in many marriages,

that’s not where the value was placed like it is today.

 

The first priority was not the personal fulfillment of the individuals,

their happiness, satisfaction, the trust between two people.

It’s not that married couples didn’t love one another,

I’m sure they did. But that wasn’t of paramount importance.

 

Marriage then was more a family commitment.

It was more about the outcome than the relationship itself.

Marriage was there for the purpose of producing children.

For making a new family to carry on to the next generation.

A man was expected to find a wife, who would now

be grafted into the man’s family and she was

expected to make offspring for the man and for his family.

 

In many ways, the marriage relationship

was a relationship of utility not a relationship of emotion.

 

And some people, especially people of a higher class,

who didn’t have to worry about money and income,

would take advantage of this idea,

and if a person’s spouse could not fill that utility –

then they developed a loophole in the law

and people could dismiss their spouses.

Okay, so maybe that part isn’t too different

than it is today.

 

And in this time, divorce was very detrimental to the woman.

It wasn’t so bad for the rich and powerful women,

but it was for those who were poor.

They were seen as spoiled and used.

Having lost their virginity and family value.

Often times left to slavery or begging or prostitution.

All apparently within the bounds of law.

 

We have different understandings about

marriage and the purpose of marriage today,

but the consequences of divorce are still similar.

 

Especially considering that in the US before 1974,

women couldn’t get their own credit cards,

without their husband’s signatures,

Which would substantially effect their ability

to buy a home or get an apartment.

 

And even today, for women with children who are divorced,

are twice as likely to be in poverty than non-divorced women

and twice as likely to be in poverty as divorced men.

Statistically, after divorce, the poverty risk for women increases,

and the poverty risk for men decreases.

Divorce has consequences.

So when the Pharisees ask Jesus,

“Is it lawful to divorce your wife?”

The answer is “Yes, it’s lawful.”

But Jesus doesn’t want to talk about what’s lawful,

 

Jesus wants to talk about what is right morally

what is in God’s heart what God’s original intent

for marriage was for the good of everyone involved.

 

Jesus doesn’t want to talk about law,

and about relationships of utility,

Jesus wants to talk about relationships of love.

Emotional relationships. Commitments.

 

Jesus says, when you are married to person

it’s not like a business agreement,

it’s not a matter of functionality

and when someone doesn’t fill that function

you let them go.

 

God meant marriage to be a commitment

an emotional commitment between two people.

And the intent of the commitment is forever,

through changes and differences.

Forget the law, Jesus holds us to something higher.

 

And when Jesus is talking to the Pharisees

and to the disciples, they need to be reminded of that.

But if Jesus was talking to someone else

in a different situation, I don’t think he would

say the same thing in the same way.

 

I think what Jesus says about marriage and divorce

would depend on who Jesus is saying it to.

For those people, like the Pharisees

who were testing Jesus, who are looking for loopholes,

who were use marriage as a theological litmus test,

and for the disciples who were worried about their image.

Jesus is saying don’t make a mockery of God’s institution.

For those people, like Herod, who just trade

in their spouse when they get too old,

or when they gain weight, or don’t look as good,

or when someone better comes along,

Jesus says, you’re committing adultery.

 

So for those people go into their marriage

with no thought of long-term commitment,

who just went into it for the wedding ceremony,

or who did it for the money,

or to see where it could help them politically

for those people who just get married for a publicity

stunt or to make their TV shows more exciting.

Jesus is saying remember your vows before God.

 

For those who sleep with other people,

or abandon their spouse and children,

or abuse their spouse physically, or emotionally,

or try to control them.

For those who leave their spouses and children

in poverty without enough financial support

Jesus says you are letting God down.

 

But for other people who fully intended

to make a permanent commitment.

Who went into their marriage with their hearts opened.

Who wanted to share their life with someone forever

But who decided that ending the relationship was the best

fore everyone’s health and future.

Jesus would give words of forgiveness and support.

For those who went into marriages with the greatest hopes

But then were victims of abandonment, neglect or infidelity,

or were subject to sexual, economic, emotional,

or physical abuse and divorce was the only viable option

Jesus would give words of healing and hope.

 

For those who have been through the horrible choice

of ending a relationship and separating a family.

Those who have felt the tearing apart in their lives

For those who know the hell that divorce can be.

Jesus gives rest for weary souls.

 

For a long time the church has tried to add to

the pain of divorce by shaming and accusing

those who have gone through it.

But knowing what we know about Jesus,

I don’t believe Jesus wants to add that insult to the injury.

 

I think marriage is a wonderful institution.

It’s the foundation of the family unit which makes up our society.

And I enjoy my own very much and thank God for it.

And I am sad when people decide to end their marriages and divorce.

But I am also thankful that people now are given the option

to do that and still remain part of the family of Christ.

 

At the end of this gospel,

the disciples try to keep the children away from Jesus.

A lot like the church has tried to keep the children

of God that  been divorced away from Jesus.

 

The church has tried to keep the ones who need his grace

and healing the most away from Jesus, the one who has

the power to heal the brokenhearted the one who can bring new life.

 

To that, Jesus says to the church:

Let the children come to me; do not stop them.