Jesus Calls Us Friends

 John 15:9-17

May 9, 2021

 

I want you to think of something:

An important friend in your life.

It could be your first friend, best friend now, your childhood friend,

a college friend, someone you were very good friends with

and lost touch with. A friend.

How did you become friends?

 

My first best friend was a girl named Veronica.

I was about 8, she was about 7 when we met.

She and her sister lived in the same apartment complex we lived in.

They and their family had just moved from Mexico City.

We had just moved from New York City.

 

They could speak very little English

and my sister and I could speak no Spanish.

My friend Veronica (bottom)
her sister Ana (left) and my sister Kathryn

There were lots of other kids around,

lots of kids who we could speak with more easily

but we became best friends quickly.

Maybe my sister and I also felt like immigrants too coming

from New York to Houston, Texas.

They always said that they learned to speak

English with a New York accent because of us.

 

I don’t know why or how we become friends.

As they say, with us, something just clicked.

We use that word a lot because

whatever happens with friendship like that

it’s almost always a mystery.

 

Did we choose each other,

or was our friendship chosen for us?

Being friends with her and her family

taught me a lot about their culture,

and about how to be a good friend.

 

I don’t know where Veronica is now.

We both moved away at some point and grew apart

and lost contact before we graduated from high school.

I don’t know where she is now.

I have never been able to find her.

But I remember that we had a great time and

I cherish the memory of her.

 

Now we have many people in our lives.

Co workers, our bosses, our spouses, church members,

parents, cousins, our siblings, people who share our interests.

But only certain people in our lives become friends

There are many reasons why people are in each other’s midst,

but with certain people we develop friendships.

Something clicks.

 

Some people actually see friendships as frivolous

as a waste of time.

But friendships are a wonderful thing.

They give us joy, they help us grow.

They change us.

And most of the time they serve no other purpose

than just the companionship and relationship that they are.

It’s a relationship just for the sake of relationship

which is wonderful.

 

The New England writer, Ralph Waldo Emerson,

said that friendship was one of the most lasting ways to be “useful.”

 

The church tends to put friendships on

a second class status friendships are not as honored

as much as a spousal relationship, or family relationships.

 

Even now in seminary, future pastors are warned

you have to make distinctions between parishioners and friends.

“Don’t be friends with your members.”

 

That may be a necessity, as some pastors

have made messes of lives by mixing up those roles.

But I’m not sure such severe lines need to be drawn.

 

And the church as a whole talks much more about family values,

focus on the family, it’s seems to be all

about family and raising our children and being loyal to our family,

as if it’s the primary Christian relationship.

And on Mother’s Day, you think we would get to talk

about those important family relationships.

 

But, honestly, Jesus isn’t that big of a family guy.

He’s more of a friend guy.

In his last supper before he died,

he didn’t choose to be with his family,

he chose to be with his disciples.

And at this point in his last supper monologue,

Jesus tells his disciples that he considers them friends.

This was actually more amazing then, than it sounds to us now.

 

In Jesus time, they had a quirkiness

about relationships outside of family.

Family relationships were paramount then.

You hung out with your family, they were your companions

and the people you did almost everything with.

 

Relationships outside of the family were often only used

for the sake of raising one’s reputation in society,

People were friends mainly for the purpose social status.

It was perfectly acceptable to have a relationship with someone

of a little higher status and use them basically as a rung on the ladder.

It was actually expected.

People would choose companions because they

could share in some of that.

had a little more money, a little more power, more status.

 You hung out with people because you

And benefit from it.

You didn’t necessarily have to like the person,

or click with them.

 

And then the higher status person would then get favors in return:

accolades, praise, appreciation, free labor –

just for letting the lower person be seen with them.

And they would go and for friendships with people

who were even higher status then they were.

It was more of a transactional relationship.

 

In biblical studies, they call this arrangement

the Honor and Shame relationship

and understanding this has helped us understand

many parts of the bible better.

Including this part.

 

Jesus chooses to be friends with the disciples.

Not for any specific benefit or reason.

They were of a lower status than he was,

and yet he didn’t ask for favors, accolades, or free labor from them.

He didn’t call them servants any more.

He was just with them because he wanted to be with them.

They are family without being family

Jesus chose them, although they could give nothing to him.

He called them friends.

It was actually amazing for the time and place.

 

I think we most often see Jesus in this same kind of

unbalanced relationship, we worship him.

We give him accolades, and we hope

that his righteousness will rub off on us.

 

But Jesus loves us, this magical reciprocal love.

There is just a bond.

Something just clicked between us and Jesus.

He is our savior, yes, but we can also say that he is our friend.

 

Even though God doesn’t need to be with us.

God  wants to be with us,

So God gave us Jesus as our friend.

 

But, one thing about our friend Jesus.

He will never grow tired of us.

He will never grow apart from us.

(we might leave him, but he wont’ leave us.)

he won’t stop talking to us because he’s

jealous of our other relationships.

He won’t get too busy for us.

We’ll never have to wonder years later how to get

in touch with him or where to find him.

This friend is a friend that has laid down his life for us.

And he will always be there.

 

We like to think that we are in control.

That we decide our path, 

We choose to come to church,

we decide whether to be people of faith.

 

But if we are here today,

Jesus has chosen us. As friends.

And something just clicked.

And Jesus has chosen our friends for us.

Companions on our journey of faith.

And maybe there was little else we could do.

 

Jesus is our friend.

And we are friends in Jesus.

And that bond will never be broken.